I suppose there are a lot of things in our lives that we categorize as big things. Some of those big things we consider inspirations, while others become monsters that haunt us.

As far back as I can remember, when I was a 5-year-old kid, I would walk through the market terrified of grown-ups. They were big, tall, and seemed able to push me aside easily. I was also afraid of the streets; there were so many fast cars and motorcycles that I couldn’t imagine what my life would be like if I got hit by one. Death seemed like the least worrisome outcome—what if I ended up crippled for life? That was horrible.

In my elementary school days, I was overwhelmed by all the subjects to learn, like language, mathematics, and other stuff. Books came in an unending wave—as soon as we finished reading one, another arrived. Later in business, there were big companies and wealthy people with far more capital than I had, or people who were smarter, more competitive, healthier, and more sophisticated than me. I had no idea how I could compete with them, let alone win. There was no way a single person like me could conquer the world alone.

But… wait. Did I just say “alone”?

Yeah, there was a time during a period of reflection when I suddenly remembered: no one actually asked me to do everything alone. Nobody. So why did I always try to do it by myself? Was it my nature as an individual, or was it our culture and school habits where we were always graded on individual achievement? I wasn’t sure.

However, as I grew older, I realized that no one wins anything alone. The best athletes in the world need coaches, chefs, and an entire sports team behind them to keep their performance at its peak. As soon as I realized this, I looked around and found it to be true everywhere: no one can do everything by themselves.

Then a question popped up in my mind: How do I get people to support me?

Aside from my parents and family, nobody seemed to care about my well-being and success. Friends were the same—whenever I had friends at school or anywhere else, we were good friends on the surface, talking and laughing together. But when I was in a dire situation and needed help, nobody cared. It was easy to find friends to hang out with during good times, but very difficult when times were bad.

I knew life would be tough if I couldn’t rely on other people. But back then, life was already difficult, and relying on others for help put me in a very vulnerable position—there was no guarantee they would be there when needed. So, I decided not to trust anyone, doing everything by myself. If I had to rely on other people for things I couldn’t do, I preferred not to owe them any favors, always repaying them with whatever I could.

But hey… there were things I simply couldn’t do alone. Though my ambition was to become completely self-sufficient, there were times I needed help. Even if I paid for assistance with money, I wasn’t doing the job myself—I was relying on the buying power of money to move people to help me. And it worked! I realized that having enough buying power allowed me to get people to do things for me. Nice! So I’ll just focus on making money, which guarantees assistance and easy living, right?

Really? I worked myself hard to earn a bit of money, exhausting myself just to buy other people’s products or help. Meanwhile, there was still competition from big players in my business. Again, I questioned myself: Should we really do everything ourselves? How do we deal with other people when they seem to care only about their own self-interest?

Their own self-interest… Wait… wait.

If that is human nature, what if I link my interests to theirs? Will they still ignore me?

Eureka! That was the answer. Since people naturally focus on their own self-interest, if we can somehow connect our goals with theirs, logically, they will come to terms with us, won’t they?

I decided to try finding an investor. I started with a presentation to potential investors showing how they could make money by investing in my business. I laid out a track record for them to see how we would generate revenue and how they would receive their returns. After several discussions, they agreed. That was it!

I tried this approach with my family and friends next. I listened to their self-interests and needs, mapped them out in my mind, and figured out creative ways to link their goals with mine. Whenever I presented an idea that tied their interests to mine, I was able to gain their support 70% of the time. The other 30% were rejected mostly because I had misread their true intentions and needs.

Finally, I understood the formula for living my life. There are many big problems in life, and we certainly can’t solve them alone. However, by understanding other people’s interests and creating deals for mutual benefit, we can gain the support needed to tackle our big problems together—and solve theirs in return.

That giant mountain of problems suddenly seems so small now.