For most of my youth, I was taught to respect other people, especially my elders and seniors. As a person of Chinese descent, respecting teachers, parents, and older community members was deeply ingrained in my culture. Giving up my seat to a senior on public transit became second nature. However, the one thing I was never taught was how to fight for my own aspirations.

There were many unwritten cultural rules suggesting that pushing for your own goals was inappropriate. It was often viewed as a sign of arrogance—the belief being that others should honor your needs by choice, not because you fought for them. Consequently, standing up and speaking my mind in front of elders felt almost impossible. I usually stayed quiet, speaking only when asked.

Later in life, I learned that older generations actually enjoy when younger people engage with them and share their stories. Having weathered life’s struggles, many seniors appreciate offering guidance. Through deep conversations with many elders, I came to realize that they were once just like me: young, vibrant, and ambitious, driven by dreams that inspired them to live fully. Yet as time passed, many found themselves out of time and energy, carrying regret and a sense of unfulfilled potential.

When asked about their biggest regrets, most elders admitted they regretted not standing up and fighting for their own aspirations. Within the family, they were expected to prioritize the collective well-being, sacrificing their personal ambitions to make life easier for parents and siblings. In the workplace, harmony and teamwork were prioritized above all else, keeping them from showcasing their true potential out of fear of disrupting team dynamics.

Reflecting on their stories made me realize that I was making the exact same mistake—sacrificing my personal dreams under the guise of duty. Through self-reflection, I realized that the best way to support your family and community is to first pursue your own goals and achieve success. Only those who build their own strength are truly capable of lifting others up.

Here are four key principles for the younger generation (under 30) to aspire to:

1. Discover Your True Purpose: Experience living independently from your family for a period. Establishing healthy independence allows you to discover your own reason for existence away from external expectations.
2. Build Your Financial Foundation: It is perfectly okay to pursue a career path outside your family business, especially if it offers greater growth and financial stability. By securing your own financial success first, you put yourself in a position to help your family in cash when they truly need it.
3. Set an Example by Pursuing Boundaries: When you show younger siblings that you have personal boundaries and dreams worth fighting for, you become a role model. Your courage to survive difficulties and achieve success will serve as their greatest inspiration.
4. Relieve Your Family of Unintended Guilt: When you sacrifice endlessly without standing up for your own needs, it creates an emotional burden. Loved ones often feel guilty living with the imbalance of your unrequited sacrifice.

Fighting for your personal aspirations, boundaries, and growth is not selfish; it is a necessary foundation for becoming a capable person who can meaningfully serve family, friends, and community. The only danger is excess—stepping on others’ boundaries or demanding respect without offering value in return.

Are you ready to become a better leader for your family and community?

Learn to fight for your aspirations first.